Lost in Translation

My first full day in Tokyo started at the Tsukiji market, once the site of Tokyo’s main fish market and now a series of narrow streets with food stalls, restaurants and shops. I do a lot of interviews and although I can get by in French, speak a bit of German, and understand a smattering of Spanish, I have zero language skills when it comes to Japanese, which requires learning three different writing systems, including Kanji, with more than 5,000 Chinese-derived characters. So, I bought a voice recorder that claimed it could translate Japanese to English. Here is an abridged transcription of my interview with the sous-chef at one of the restaurants in the market. (I am CPK and Reiji is the sous-chef.)

CPK: Sushi was originally about the rice and less about the fish, right?
REIJI: No, there’s no car space.
CPK: So is this job a dream come true?
REIJI: Sucking your brewery symphony.
CPK: Please explain what you just said.
REIJI: President, he was. I think it so bushy.
CPK: Do you shop every day for the fish?
REIJI: My mom, I know. Thank you very much.
CPK: What funny things do tourists say or do when they eat here?
REIJI: How much you really have not see you!
CPK: Can you give me a quick course in sushi?
REIJI: You need to the beginning of the war.
CPK: Are there any other specialties on the menu?
REIJI: Uh, dog.
CPK: Which country do you find most interesting? What about Germany?
REIJI: Good luck to you!
CPK: Why do people choose this restaurant?
REIJI: Go for a show.
CPK: How long is it?
REIJI: Don’t be afraid to put it on. They always looked at the ocean.
CPK: Did you go to culinary school?
REIJI: Walking in my zoo named chocolates. Is to learn on
the jobs.
CPK: Any last thoughts?
REIJI: Whole world and sushi.

Translating the spoken word is not dissimilar to translating one culture’s food to another. Some things are easy, such as Japanese cheesecake or pancakes—very Western in their appeal. Or the kombini (convenience store) sandwiches, like egg salad or tonkatsu. The Japanese supermarket offers endless snacks—more compelling and interesting than our own—as well as familiar baked goods, including doughnuts.

But then there are the recipes that appeal to Japanese culture but less to stateside palates. Tiny raw squid. Milt (fish sperm—it was actually tasty!). Raw shrimp-gut sushi. Uni (sea urchin, which is delicious).

Even some of the basic recipes, such as dashi, make sense in Japan, but less so here. You need kombu and dried bonito flakes, which, for an island nation makes perfect sense, but less so in a culture obsessed with chicken stock. The use of MSG and bouillon cubes is ubiquitous in Japan and all over the Far East, but mention MSG to a Western cook and you may get shock and surprise.

Many techniques confound foreign cooks. Most cutting boards in restaurants are cheap slabs of wood, not expensive sushi boards. Restaurant chefs use long slicing knives even for small jobs. Hay searing (a large metal wastebasket is filled with hay and ignited, then fish is quickly seared over the flames) is standard procedure. And when they broil salmon for breakfast, they cook it to death.

Poor translations also affect the corporate world. KFC’s slogan, “Finger Lickin’ Good,” was translated into Chinese as “Eat Your Fingers Off.” And Pepsi’s “Come alive! You’re in the Pepsi Generation” became “Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back from the Dead.”

For now, I’ll just “Walk in my zoo named chocolates.” Not sure what it means, but it sounds like fun.